T-2 Weeks

I’m 2 full weeks out from Derby day, not counting week of derby. I don’t understand why I must become an anxiety riddled mess weeks before a competition. It serves no purpose, and robs me of precious sleep.

And yet…. here I am, anxiety riddled.

We’ve been preparing for this for months now. Learning about interval training, eventing fitness plans, and juggling rides between extremes in weather.

I even started running again (since this spring) in order to get in shape for this.

I hate running.

More lessons, more tack, more equipment, numerous hours and hours and hours of getting Levi in somewhat shape. Plus, the dreaded running. 😖

The other day I get a message from a friend stating she signed up for the same comp “on a whim”. I’m happy about it. It’ll be fun to have another adult i know who’s also doing this for the first time. But I’m also a little… i don’t know… disheartend. I’ve really put a lot of effort into trying to get ready for this. I still suck, I’m still not ready, and I won’t do that well.

Honestly, I feel like I’ve busted ass the last 4 months and I’m still not ready.

This lady is going to do it on a whim and most likely kick my butt at it.

I just wanted to pretend, when i lost, that the other competitors had more experience than i did. I didn’t want to lose to someone else’s on a whim first time. I at least wanted to think they spent months, even years, preparing for it too.

Nope. I’m going to get my ass kicked by someone doing this as a lark.

I know it doesn’t matter. It’s not about them. It’s about overcoming my fears, completing a bucket list item, and knowing that I can still challenge myself physically (even if I’m not 20 anymore).

But… i also wanted to feel like the hard work was worth it. Being beaten by someone who spent as much time preparing for this as it would take to swing through mcDonalds… well, it kind of feels… disheartening.

I’ll be happy for her when she does well, and I’ll be happy if I simply complete it… i just really wish she hadn’t said it was on a whim.

Monster Coops

Our very first cross-county schooling adventure was a blast! Also an eye-opener about what it’ll take to successfully complete the Starter level next month.

I’ve added a video of our outing, but before that… image this:

There we were, at the cross-country schooling grounds, on a blazingly hot, windless Saturday. Me, in my brand new riding tights with the belly rolls hanging out below the protective vest, and Levi looking majestic in his non-color coordinated boots and lime green saddle pad.

I naively thought that there’d be a lot more shade and a lot less… hot.

Or, just watch the vid. It’s not that long.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself

I’ve now had 3 whole lessons on cross country portion of eventing. This has emboldened me to the point where I registered for my first “Derby”.

A Derby, I learned, is basically a crash course in eventing. Smash every phase into an afternoon and the survivor wins.

The Derby I’ve sign up for is in 4 weeks. God help us.

Tomorrow is our first XC schooling at a real eventing course. This is where we’ll see if Levi and I have the stomach to actually do this for real.

Tiny, moveable jumps

I’m beginning to freak about all the things I don’t know I don’t know. How much fitter does Levi need to be? How do i get him fitter? Do they give us the course before the event? If the Derby has stadium and CC combined then what is the attire regulations?!?! Sooooo many questions!!

Also.. How do you eventers keep it all in your head?! Dressage test, stadium course, and XC course! I go off course just doing 1 dressage test. 😒

I really hope tomorrow is a confidence booster for us. I feel so unsure about whether we (both green beans at jumping/eventing) are capable of this.

Wish us luck! I think we’ll need it.