I’m so frustrated! I just spent two days moving hay to clear out a spot to build a stall in my brothers barn. Moving hay wasnt so bad, but the barn was so trashed that we spent an hour clearing out a spot to put the hay. I’m tired. My back hurts. And I’m sick of having everything fall apart as soon as I get my hopes up.
My husband is pointing out all the wood we’ll need for the stall, and calculating costs. Basically, we may have enough money by March to finish the stall. That’s assuming no other bills pop up.
I have zero money to buy a rideable horse. I can’t buy a new horse until Ava is moved. The zipper on my half chaps completely broke yesterday. My riding boots have more holes in them than a freaking drain. My helmet needs to be replaced. And my vacuum cleaner is broken.
AND… to top off a wonderful day, I suddenly lose vision in my right eye. One minute I’m talking to my sister-in-law, and the next second she’s missing half her face. Then everything turns all sparkly and I can’t see shit out of my right eye. I had this happen 7 years ago, and went to every opthamologist and neurological opthamologist specialist available, and no one found anything. They said it was migrains. So I’m doubtful that wasting a ton of money on more tests will accomplish anything. But it’s more money I DON’T HAVE!
All I keep thinking is… what’s the point? Even if we move Ava I can’t afford the purchase price of a new horse. I can’t even scrape together $1,000. I can continue riding Ellie, but she’s 45 minutes away and is costing me a fortune in gas.
We still have to fix the fencing at my brothers place, buy stall mats (cement floor), buy a feed tub, and purchase grain and hay for Ava.
I give up. I can’t even afford one horse. I’m f’ing going blind. I knew this whole dressage thing was a pipe dream to start with. I’m over it. Over everything. I quit. I’m going to go live at the mission and be a half blind bag lady the rest of my life.