I am in that awkward stage where I know a big Aha moment will hit eventually (hopefully soon), but right now I really suck. Here is how my rides have gone lately:
Me: Alright Ava, maybe you could stop making it feel like I’m falling into a hole on the ride side of your body?
Ava: Uhmmm, No.
Me: Fine, lets try leg yielding left to get you on your left shoulder more. (do some leg yields)
Ava: Bring it lady, I can do this all day long.
Me: This is not helping… Ok, lets try haunches-in left.
Ava: Ugh, really. Here’s the slowest haunches-in I can do.
Me: No, go forward while in haunches-in.
Ava: HA. Screw you lady.
Me: thinking “I can fix this. I can fix this”.
Ava: OMG, there is light coming from under the door crack. Spook.
Me: I’m still here horse.
I’m so frustrated with how my rides have gone that I’m starting to think that any other horse discipline might be a better fit for us. Nothing I try helps for more than a second. Half of me is convinced I’m doing it wrong, the other half thinks my horse is pulling my chain (which she has done before). When all of the clinicians you’ve gone to tell you your horse is capable of going Fourth/PSG and your horse is sitting there telling you that First level sounds like a fine level to stay at…. It creates some discordant rides. Add in the fact that I’ve never gone beyond where I am currently at. In fact, right now I have surpassed all previous training I’ve ever had. I don’t know what I’m doing, where I’m going, or how to get there.
I hate that feeling!
Anyway, that’s where I’m at right now. I have a lesson this coming Friday (it’s been 5 weeks since my last lesson). My only hope at this point is that when we get to the lesson the trainer doesn’t think I’ve completely ruined the horse. I’m just hoping it’s all fixable still. I’ve given up the hope that we’ve made progress and have lowered my hopes to “Please don’t let me ruin my horse”.
My mare is a saint to put up with me as well as she does. I really lucked out finding such a gem.